(no subject)
Mar. 1st, 2007 09:23 amWhy can't they simply say it?
What's the difficulty in expressing it?
Do they try to avoid the truth, to defer the farewell, that must come?
Is it easier to take, when they believe, you just fell asleep?
It is not.
I don't know why they do this, I will never understand people who refuse to use these words.
Death. Die. Dead.
Are they trying to make it easier for me?
All the times my mother just said: "... fell to sleep."
But they are not sleeping.
They are dead. Simply, undeniable, a fact.
It is not me who cannot accept this.
It is the circle no one is able to break.
Life comes, life goes.
And every time I ask myself, why am I not able to cry?
I do cry ... very often.
But not when someone died.
Is it because I often imagine the death of people I love? How it would be?
It is sad and it does affect me. There is also grief, and pain...
But I do not cry.
Maybe it's the skies who are crying instead of me... because, when you left this morning it started raining.
I feel sad because there are so much things I never dared to ask you... because I was afraid it could hurt you.
Now time is over and I feel a pity for missing the chance to talk with you this way.
I try to collect memories right now... but it does not work.
Right now I only can remember your face and the smile on it when you were eating cake.
And the amber-jewellery you always wore. It was the trigger for my passion to the amber colour.
But... right now, that is all.
Anyway I know that there are a lot of memories left and I will keep them.
But... right now their images do not want to awake.
Time will come.
I thank you for all you have done to me. I thank you for the nice years when I was little... hah, now the memories come... and they are amiable and lovely...
I only want to wish you a good journey.
Enjoy it. Do not look back.
Because I guess your life was extraordinary and valuable... you do not have to regret that you are now leaving.
Greet death and tell him that you will even enjoy the other side.
Because that is what I expect from you.
What's the difficulty in expressing it?
Do they try to avoid the truth, to defer the farewell, that must come?
Is it easier to take, when they believe, you just fell asleep?
It is not.
I don't know why they do this, I will never understand people who refuse to use these words.
Death. Die. Dead.
Are they trying to make it easier for me?
All the times my mother just said: "... fell to sleep."
But they are not sleeping.
They are dead. Simply, undeniable, a fact.
It is not me who cannot accept this.
It is the circle no one is able to break.
Life comes, life goes.
And every time I ask myself, why am I not able to cry?
I do cry ... very often.
But not when someone died.
Is it because I often imagine the death of people I love? How it would be?
It is sad and it does affect me. There is also grief, and pain...
But I do not cry.
Maybe it's the skies who are crying instead of me... because, when you left this morning it started raining.
I feel sad because there are so much things I never dared to ask you... because I was afraid it could hurt you.
Now time is over and I feel a pity for missing the chance to talk with you this way.
I try to collect memories right now... but it does not work.
Right now I only can remember your face and the smile on it when you were eating cake.
And the amber-jewellery you always wore. It was the trigger for my passion to the amber colour.
But... right now, that is all.
Anyway I know that there are a lot of memories left and I will keep them.
But... right now their images do not want to awake.
Time will come.
I thank you for all you have done to me. I thank you for the nice years when I was little... hah, now the memories come... and they are amiable and lovely...
I only want to wish you a good journey.
Enjoy it. Do not look back.
Because I guess your life was extraordinary and valuable... you do not have to regret that you are now leaving.
Greet death and tell him that you will even enjoy the other side.
Because that is what I expect from you.